Question

What is the importance of choosing a virgin for a wife?  From what I've read in the Old Testament, this was of paramount importance. If a man found that his bride was not a virgin, and he "detested her," he could have her put to death.

Answer

 In the Old Testament God continued to emphasize His holiness and how His people must likewise be pure and holy to approach Him, and this also was a picture of what we the future Bride of Christ must be--absolutely pure and holy--the Apostle Paul said, "I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him." [2 Corinthians 11:2]  But God demanded sexual purity from both men and women prior to marriage.

The "ideal" for marriages is for the man and woman to both be virgins on their wedding day--God's best.  However, in reality, there are many marriages occurring between Christian men and women where one or both are not virgins.  This is due to sin either before or after salvation, or maybe not by sin at all, but caused simply by the death of a former spouse or a "biblical" divorce.  In these Christ sanctioned marriages there is just as much of God's grace on the marriage as on the couple who are virgins.  You see, it not the "outside" that God is so concerned about, but the inside--the heart.  It would be better to marry a non-virgin Christian woman who has a real "heart" and love for the Lord, then one who is physically a virgin, but is "lukewarm" to Christ.  

The keys in picking a partner is are they a Christian, are they trying to live a holy life, and are they the one that God has called us to marry?  For what she looks like, and whether she has ever kissed another man, or been fondled or has fondled, or is a virgin or not is not really as important. Remember once a person (male or female) has been "born-again" and washed clean by the blood of Christ, then Christ declares them clean, and they are completely clean! And let us not declare someone unclean that God has declared clean.    

Question (continued)

I think it is more difficult to apply this in this age, because there is no legal recourse if you find that your bride is not a virgin, and you have to be sure beforehand of either (1) if she is a virgin or not, or (2) if you are prepared to accepted her as she is (forgiven). I don't think I have enough faith for #2, and #1 has difficulties of its own. Perhaps #1 is also a matter of faith, and of the leading of God, but I want to know if Christ feels that it is important for me - as a gift - not that I deserve it, but that He could give me greater joy through it.    

Answer (continued)

How are you going to be sure that she is a virgin?  Are you going to ask her prior to marriage?  Are you going to expect to see some evidence on your wedding night?  A number of women lose their virginity (physically) by non-intercourse, maybe vigorous physical exercise, or other non-sexual ways.  Will you always doubt her if you don't have "evidence"?  By the way, what evidence can the man provide the woman on her wedding night that he is a virgin?   It is not something to focus on.  Focus on living for Christ and praying for the woman He would want you to have. 

So the requirement that a wife must be a virgin on her wedding night may be unrealistic. If we have that requirement then must she also have perfect features, and have never lied, never cussed, never drank, never told a dirty story, never had evil thoughts, etc........?

The most important qualities for a wife:  Do they truly love Christ and their husband?  That's what really counts.  

Added to Bible Bulletin Board's "Tony Capoccia's Questions and Answers" by:

Tony Capoccia
Bible Bulletin Board
Box 119
Columbus, New Jersey, USA, 08022
Our websites: www.biblebb.com and www.gospelgems.com
Email: tony@biblebb.com
Online since 1986