I was married, divorced, and married another man, then divorced him, married my first husband for the second time, and then divorced him again.   I still feel that I am still married to my first husband even though we got a legal divorce.  He (my first husband) now wants me back again, but not to marry me again, but only to live together. We both still truly love each other, what should I do?


What I understand as to your current situation, is that you are not married, and that you had legally divorced your first husband again, and that you still love him, and he declares that he still loves you.  I think that is the case.

Well, there are two basic thoughts here.  First, God recognizes each marriage and divorce that was sanctioned by the state.  He hates divorce, and wants us to reconcile if possible.  In your case it would appear that God wants you to return to your last husband (husband #1, and #3), since reconciliation is possible (he has not remarried).  However, it must be in marriage.  To live with him outside of marriage would be to live in continuing immorality, even though you were previously married to him.  The divorce granted by the state terminated that marriage, so you are not married to him any longer.

Now, it appears that he refuses to become legally married to you again, which presents a problem.  But for you, as a Christian, you must remain true to your "real" eternal husband Jesus Christ, and not live in immorality.  So if you ex-husband refuses to marry you again, then the divorce remains and he is the same as any other man that you are not married to. 

You need to be reminded that God is absolute sovereign in every aspect of your life, and if your "ex" doesn't want to come back as a "husband" then God may be closing that door.  You have to be willing to let him go, rather than sin against your Lord, for true happiness and fulfillment will be found in walking in obedience to Christ.  Now, you may feel that you could not stand living alone for the rest of your life, and I could understand that. But don't despair, for God knows your heart and your needs.  It was He who said it was not good for man (or woman) to be alone.  Trust God that He will give you strength to do His will.

A verse to cling to would be, "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."  [Psalm 37:4]  In other words, for you, simply focus on doing whatever will delight the Lord Jesus, that is reading His Word every day (recommend the Proverb of the day--whatever the date is, also a couple chapters of the Old Testament (start in Genesis), and three chapters of the New Testament (start in Matthew), and you might read a Psalm a day too.  Do this each day, and in time you will have read the whole Bible, and then keep repeating this until you die, and you will have delighted the Lord).

Also, pray each day.  Get alone with the Lord; closets are nice and quiet, but anywhere where you can carry on a conversation with God.  Tell Him what you feel and praise and thank Him for what He has done and will do.  Ask Him to help others (specifically) and also to meet your special needs.  Couple this reading and praying with a heart desire to be obedient, and then you will have "delighted" in Him, and He then will "plant" in your heart the desires He plans to fulfill.

It could be that your "ex" is not a Christian, and God does not want you married to him again.  It could be that God would want you to be married again to him, but if he is still unwilling to marry you, then I would accept that as a "closed door" from God.

Bottom line, focus on your relationship to the Lord.  Be sure that you belong to Him.  That you have at some point in your life been truly "born again" by repenting of your sins, believing on Christ (who He claimed to be), and that you have submitted you life to His control, albeit how imperfect that is.

Also, be sure that if you have been truly saved, then as an act of obedience "after" that salvation, that you have been obedient to being baptized by immersion.  This baptism doesn't save you but it was and is the first command that Jesus gives to each new believer.

Added to Bible Bulletin Board's "Tony Capoccia's Questions and Answers" by:

Tony Capoccia
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